Real Men Cry Football: Gave up half way through writing this

Week 5: Totally Unbiased, Definitely Fair Power Rankings

Guess who's taking a break from chopping wood to chop apart your teams?

That's right, your favorite all-time championship leader.

For these power rankings, I'll be accepting the help of The League's greatest jokesters to tear into your horrible mistakes. Let's begin.

1. House Hipster // 1 - 3

For an underachieving team, 1 - 3 really ain't so bad. Yes, I was destroyed by Danny in week 1, but since then this team has gone toe-to-toe with Bryan and Jeff. We finally won one last week against the preseason self-anointed greatest-team-ever, CTRL ALT Killers. Plus, 3 Ravens on one team?

No competition. Best team in the league.

2. Cam Newton's Pussy Riot // 2 -2

As the only team to beat me by more than 9 points, this team is LEGIT. You could basically call this team the Carimore Rave Panthers with how much this team relies on 2 NFL teams. Justin Forsett is basically the best RB in the game. Steve Smith Senior is having the greatest statistical year a 35 year old receiver could have. Justin Tucker is is still the best kicker in da game.

Legatron + Megatron = championship (game) we comin'!!!!

3. Chicago Rillas // 2 - 2

Tim's had some poor fantasy luck recently. He's had an average of 100 points/week scored against him PLUS Adrian Peterson beat his way off his team (phrasing?), 2 -2 isn't too shabby. Currently owning the 2012 Ravens championship receiving corps, I can see why this guy is sitting pretty near the top of the man pile.

4. Swan City // 3 - 1

Jose is in sole possession of 2nd place in our league! This is despite the fact that he's scored the fewest points in the league (averaging 65.25 pts/game). Using a bold two-TE set of Travis Kelce and Yo Soy Fiesta, this is a team to watch out for down the stretch. Trust me.