Happy Birthday Week Bryan!!!

Happy Birthday says Lynch,
Beating you'll be a synch.
He scored me two touchdowns...
You're like the logs that I pinch.

Kaepernick is a hack.
But even he beats your backs.
Your wideouts Are pitiful...
Your whole team is whack!

You should get off this ride.
I've got Luck on my side.
Dez and D Thom are awesome...
Something about you and poop...ide

Know what's worse than your men?
Guesses from ESPN.
Projections from a weatherman...
With the brain of a wren.

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Bryan...
Your beard looks like poo.

P.S.  Thanks for letting us stay with you!

P.P.S.  Actually, the beard is pretty good...that was below the belt.  But you're still gonna lose.

Here's what I learned when I researched "Bryan Sucks" (courtesy Google images):
Now stare at my magnificence...


While listening to:


With these words in your head on repeat:
Bry-an's team sucks!
Bry-an's team sucks!
Bry-an's team sucks!
Bry-an's team sucks!

Dan is the best!
Dan is the best!
Dan is the best!
Dan is the best!

Dan, he is gonna beat Bry, because see, Dan is the best and Bry he just sucks.

Sucky sucky sucky sucky own-er!
Sucky sucky sucky sucky own-er!

There once was a Jeff from Nantucket,
Who picked players as if from a bucket.
He was two and five,
His team did not thrive,
So he packed up his things and said fuck it!

The best of them all is named Dan.
He is said to be truly, "The Man!"
He wins all the ships,
Consumes many dips,
And declares with great vigor, "SPAAAAAAAN"

Twas not fear'd at all, Baron Nashor.
When they play'd, twas naught but a bore.
Jones-Drew is just bad,
Fitz's story is sad,
And Frank's last name ought be snore.

The Bad Shapes, most feared in the land.
Every game like two birds in the hand.
With six players top ten,
They will win again.
And stay in first place just as plan'd.

DM²...more like BM²!

Jordan Reed has scored a combined 0 points the past two weeks...that sounds about right as a starter for your team Jose.

If you added all of your losses and ties to your wins, you'd have as many wins as I do.

Jamaal Charles...the blisters on his feet put blisters on my heart.

I've scored more points for than any team has against.  You've scored 5 points more than you've had scored against.

Dez Bryant is the #1 WR...Washington is ranked 28th against WRs...math.

Demaryius and the Broncos are up against Jacksonville...enough said.

My team colors are better than yours, also my logo makes more sense.

What the hell did Joe need help with on Sunday?

There once was a man named AP.
Whose bye week fell unfortunately.
For Joe he faced Dan,
The essence of man,
Poor Joe stood no chance don't you see?!

Joe thinks that he's worthy of fame.
Quite frankly, I think that he's lame
Hit his ceiling last week.
No AP? His team reeks!
I win 'ships like it's part of my name!

I'm not scared because you have Drew Brees.
I will surely beat you with great ease.
Last week Austin scored zero,
Josh Brown also scored zero.
It'll be easier than a making a sneeze.

I've got Rodgers, Dezeus, and D-Tom.
Add Jam-Cham in, that guys the bomb.
S. Janikowski,
And Hawks by the Sea,
You'll be trounced with stalwart aplomb.

Alright, so with this being my first week of EMT Class, along with figuring out all sorts of other life stuff, I haven't had much time to dis you Jeff.  Thus I'm just going to spit a couple of FFB Haiku your way, here goes:

Gore got you some points
Too bad you have Eli Manning
That guy sucks real bad

Yes, you have Dwayne Bowe
Though last week he got zero
I prefer rainbows

I've got two J.C.s
Like the wind they score touchdowns
Steady as two mountains

Me, unstoppable
Half my guys undropable
A tree thrives in spring

Things will stay the same!

0-2, that’s you, 0-2

You know the, Bad Shapes are beatin' you!