Otto and Lucy.

Those are the two dogs I watched this weekend.  The former is a big ol' white boxer that's a bit weird and loves just doing nothing.  The latter is a year and a half old Pointer that can't get enough of "doing shit".  They're good dogs.

But..their owners let them sleep on the bed.  So I did too.  And they like to cuddle.  And I mean CUDDLE.  Going to bed was alright, but I would wake up in the morning nearly off the bed.  And as much as I'd move them, they wouldn't wake up.

So the following night I sleep on the other side of the bed.  And, of course, I wake up at three in the morning with Lucy's ASS ON MY PILLOW.  And it's pointing right at me not six inches away.

Well, that ended my sharing the bed with those dogs right there.

So I slept on the couch.  And they kept waking me up every two hours or so.  That means that come today, when I'm finally home, I don't have any real energy and I'm fighting a day long headache.  But dammit, I'm committed to getting you an updated schedule.  Grab a soda, sit down, and read my what I'm guessing will be cliffnoted version Mark Your Calendars, Part II.
WEEK 1
Dan vs Baron
Jose vs KC
Johir vs Danny
Jeff vs Bryan
Tim vs Arun

Game of the Week: Dan vs Baron
I went with something different this year.  I let the league champion decide who he was going to play in Week 1.  Dan chose Baron to, quote "continue my dominance" over him.  Endquote.  We'll see where that leads him, but if there's something we know about Week 1, no one has a bye.  And, on paper, when he rolls out all his starters, Dan most likely has the best team out there.  But Baron, by my count, is a strong number two, so it'll be good.  Other storylines:  How do the n00bs fare in their first game?  What's up with the Chicago boys?  How many more Bears does Tim pick up before the season starts?

WEEK 2
Baron vs Arun
Johir vs Bryan
KC vs Dan
Jose vs Jeff
Tim vs Danny

Game of the Week: Baron vs Arun
Here's the exact text I got from Arun yesterday: "I had the best draft.  Just saying."  Bold words from a guy who is known to sell his players sooner than anyone else.  Know what the text I got from Baron was?  NOTHING.  BECAUSE BARON'S IN THE WILDERNESS.  We'll see what happens, but for right now, the Bread Bowl promises to deliver a delicious matchup.  Other storylines:  Who wins this year's Cane's bet between Danny and Tim?  Does KC deliver actual smack talk?  Do Jeff and Jose compare international vacations?

WEEK 3
Bryan vs KC
Arun vs Jose
Baron vs Jeff
Johir vs Tim
Dan vs Danny

Game of the Week: Bryan vs KC
The former roommates take each other on in the first week of the season.  Bryan has a pretty interesting start to his year.  He opens against the guy with the lowest winning percentage in league history (sorry Jeff, had to say it), then follows with two guys who have NO history in this league.  It seems like an ideal matchup, but what if he loses two of the three weeks?  Grab your collar and fret Bryan.  But this should be an interesting matchup.  I mean, there's a bunch of star RB power going through this one.  Other storylines:  Do Johir and Tim exchange dialogue at all (they're both busy)?  What happens in the matchup of last year's championship match?

WEEK 4
Jeff vs Dan
Danny vs Arun
Baron vs Johir
KC vs Tim
Jose vs Bryan

Game of the Week: Dan vs Jeff
I'm intrigued by this matchup solely because of the trade these two made during the draft.  We'll see if Dan's strategy of balls-to-the-walls starters - which meant giving up some draft money - helps him overcome Jeff's more balanced team.  I'm not going to make any predictions here, because bye weeks start up at this time, and I'm not looking at Dan's schedule right now to see if any of his guys aren't playing.  Other storylines:  does Bryan buy Jose his cake finally?  Will Danny head down to Chicago to watch football with Katarya?

WEEK 5
Dan vs Johir
Baron vs KC
Bryan vs Arun
Tim vs Jose
Jeff vs Danny

Game of the Week: Tim vs Jose
Not gonna lie to you guys, but this week I just wasn't feeling much of that matchups in terms of pure juicyness.  I'm going with Tim vs myself, because we've already thrown out a Luc Longley/Bill Cartwright bet once before, and I'm hoping we get something good to pop up by the time this game rolls around.  Maybe I'll get Tim to Instagram something stupid.  Other storylines:  Jeff vs Danny.  Whitest.  Matchup.  Ever.

WEEK 6
Johir vs Jeff
Jose vs Dan
Bryan vs Tim
Baron vs Danny
Arun vs KC

Game of the Week: Baron vs Danny
It's an old Crotch Roch matchup between the Mountain Man and the Man Mapping Mountains Man.  If my memory serves me (and it doesn't), Danny knocked Baron out of the playoffs last year.  And if he didn't, this is still interesting and exciting for, well, them at least.  I'm predicting Baron to be in the woods, so only Danny will know the true outcome.  And he'll be 100% honest about it too.  Zero sarcasm.  Other storylines:  Does Tim have more Bears now? Does all the summer arguing between Jose and Dan spill over into the matchup?  Do KC and Arun talk operations management the whole damn time?

WEEK 7
Danny vs Bryan
Baron vs Tim 
Jose vs Johir
Arun vs Dan
Jeff vs KC

Game of the Week: Jose vs Johir
This one is purely done out of selfish delight.  This is the weekend I plan on visiting Joe in KC (teehee), so obviously it was "coincidence" that I made our matchup the same weekend.  It should be fun.  Joe will be reacclimated to America again at this point.  As will I.  We'll see how well his team is doing against mine obviously.  And I could definitely see Mihir tagging along and, you know, tag teaming with Joe against me.  I know what I said.  I actually felt gross when I wrote it.  Other storylines: Slap bets all around when Tim and Baron play.  Danny takes on Bryan and absolutely doesn't want to lose (that one was a cop out).  The self proclaimed "best draft" takes on last year's league champion.

WEEK 8
Danny vs KC
Dan vs Jeff
Arun vs Jose
Johir vs Baron
Tim vs Bryan 

Game of the Week: Danny vs KC
Why?  I guess it's because I'm interested in what KC has done to this point.  And I'm also interested to see if Katarya-like luck is still with Danny at this point.  Don't get me wrong, Danny could have a good team, but he could also be the lucky bastard we saw last year.  Meanwhile, KC has come out of his draft feeling pretty confident, and what if the n00basaurus rex comes out and takes the league by storm?  He'll be like the Toronto Raptors, but not shitty.  Other storylines:  Is Baron out of the woods at this point?  What goes on between Tim and Bryan?  Who notices the sexual tension between Johir and Baron first?

WEEK 9
KC vs Bryan
Tim vs Jose
Johir vs Arun
Jeff vs Baron
Dan vs Danny

Game of the Week: Johir vs Arun
The real Brow Town is back in action!  Well, then there's also Joe.  This should be a fun, curry-based matchup between the dynamic duo (and Joe).  Let's see what Mihir's learned to this point and put it against the guy who's been one of the better players in our league history.  And let's see what happens with Joe when the Indian Bro Storm comes roaring through.  Other storylines:  Who calls who a bitch first: KC or Bryan?  Who win's the Dan-cing Contest?  Another Crotch Roch matchup to look out for.  Does Jose actually go to Chicago?

WEEK 10
KC vs Tim
Jeff vs Danny
Arun vs Bryan
Baron vs Jose
Johir vs Dan

Game of the Week: Jeff vs Danny
I'm always fond of seeing what happens between these two.  I'm waiting for the day for one of them to snap at the other for his team barely beating the other.  While I don't predict that happening, I am going to go ahead and make the call that this will be the two lowest scores of the week.  I don't care who wins, I just want to see one of them feel screwed out of a win instead of them being so nice to each other and what not and friendship and what not.  Other storylines:  How much shit talk goes on between Joe and Dan?  Little.  How much does Jose root against Baron?  Lots.

WEEK 11
Johir vs KC
Tim vs Dan
Bryan vs Baron
Arun vs Jeff
Jose vs Danny

Game of the Week: Bryan vs Baron
There's a lot of history for these two guys.  Both good and, well, in Baron's case, good too.  I don't know how their teams are going to be in Week 11, but I can anticipate this being a surprisingly intense matchup for a fantasy football game.  For all we know, Baron could be back in town and this could get surprisningly good.  Or Bryan could be on an orchard somewhere while Baron's in the mountains.  Not sure.  Don't care.  Other storylines:  N00BS!  Johir and KC play each other for the first time.  This is getting it's own little writeup.  Who's not interested in seeing how the new guys do this year?  I know Ed's probably rooting for them.  We'll see what each team brings to the table.  Yes, I said each team.  What, you didn't think Ken was by himself did you?

WEEK 12
Arun vs KC
Dan vs Baron
Bryan vs Jose
Joe vs Danny
Jeff vs Tim

Game of the Week: Bryan vs Jose
I said this in my last write up about the schedule and I'll stick to it in this one:  Bryan knows how to turn the knife in the insults against my team.  Seriously, it's all up in my P Biz.  But that's what makes this good.  With Ed out of the league, my new biggest rival takes me on in a Week 12 matchup of who-dun-its and whachamagoos (I've started zoning out at this point in my writing).  We'll see what kind of zingers he has about my mom in this one.  Other storylines: Dan vs Baron rematch of Week 1.  Should be good.  Joe vs Danny in what I predict will be the most texted matchup of the year (but just between themselves).

WEEK 13
Jeff vs Johir
Jose vs KC
Danny vs Baron
Tim vs Arun
Bryan vs Dan

Game of the Week: Tim vs Arun
I kept the same final week matchup because of how good it was when I made the first schedule.  I'm not going to reinvent the wheel here, so I'll just keep what I originally wrote:

Yes, there's Danny vs Baron goodness, Bryan vs Dan goodness and Jose getting knocked out of the playoff chase goodness.  But the thing that set this apart was that, in Week 13, the Vikings play the Bears.  So, in the last week of our season, it's Minnesota vs Chicago, with two super fans of each team playing each in fantasy football, in the same city.  If the fantasy gods are on our side this year, these two will be playing each other for the final playoff spot while they root for their favorite teams against each other.  Remember how I said I wanted to get this rivalry off the ground?  Well suck it Katarya and Tim, now you have no choice.  Other subplots: KC and Jose play in Week 1 and Week 13.  Juicy.  Bryan and Dan get to have the most clever competition of the year.  Jeff takes on Johir in a three state orgy.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You should have your rosters added to the league page within the next two days.  On top of that, expect a draft review write up and a new set of Danny Devito Power Rankings any day now.

On top of that, as a reminder, here are our new divisions and division names:

Wyatt Justice Division:

Jeff
Danny
Siems
Dan
Johir

Barron Vaughn Division

Arun
Tim
Bryan
KC
Jose

"It's not like we're not friends anymore."

That's what we have to tell ourselves about Ed's departure.  Since he told us that he was leaving the league, I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we all held out hope that he would change his mind.  But while I can't speak for Ed either, I'm pretty sure he was completely sure of this decision.

He has his reasons.  I don't respect him any less because he left our league.  It's just a matter of que sera sera, and now we have to move on and focus on the upcoming draft (another reminder: Sunday 8/11 at 5 pm CST).

But we also need to address the elephant in the room.  That is, who's going to replace Ed?  You all basically know the answer.  It's Joe!  No, wait, it's Mihir!  No, wait...

Actually, it's going to be both of them.  Considering this will be either's first time even playing fantasy football, having them double up is a decent way to have them learn the game.  It's not like our league is easy either.  Auction drafts aren't easy for beginners, so diving right in makes it a bit tough.  However, we all are smart people, so learning it shouldn't be too much of an issue.

I've already spoken to Joe and given him a rundown of how our league works.  There's no going back now.  Ed is 100% gone.  Joe's excited.  Mihir's excited.  Were not going to pull the rug out from under them.

So let's thank Ed for what he's done for this league.  He brought us many an ode, some great trash talk, and was my favorite person to play during a season.

But now we're just adding a different flavor.  And if we expand to twelve teams next year, Joe and Mihir will both have some experience under their belt.

Looking forward to a fun draft next week!