I'm sure most of you know what baseball is.  And Major League Baseball.  And Texas.  And the Rangers.  And the Astros.  Well, how many of you remember they played each other opening day this year?  None of you are wondering why the Astros would play the Rangers (either because you didn't know they were in opposite leagues last year, or because you already knew they were going to the American League).  But they did play each other as the primetime Opening Day game.

And guess what?  The worst team in baseball beat what could be the best.

Here's the point. This year's opening day won't be following the traditional format of a championship rematch.  We're going to have a new entry into the league this year, so why not give them top billing for the schedule come opening day.  Yes, gentlemen and gentlemen, the schedule is out for this year.  I'll debut the schedule and include a little commentary for my choice for Game of the Week for each week.

But before we get freak nasty with the schedule, let's talk divisions first.  Remember how I said some minor changes were coming to the league, well the division breakdown is changing right along with it.  And by changing, I mean it's not...for the most part.  Last year's divisions were broken down by geography, with TCish folk in one division, and out of staters in another.  Well this year we're keeping that configuration, but Danny has now been traded for Jeff and cash (that's five dollars that goes to me a-thank you).  Danny is the closest one to the Twin Cities, so in theory it's geographically decent.

That means this year's divisions are as follows:

Division 1 - Danny, Ed, Jose, Bryan, ???   -   Division 2 - Dan, Arun, Tim, Jeff, Baron

I'm taking suggestions for division names now, so go ahead and throw them either in the comments, Smack Talk Wall, or the facebook group.  But enough of that.  Let's preview some schedule!

WEEK 1
Dan vs ???
Jose vs Bryan
Ed vs Danny
Baron vs Arun
Tim vs Jeff

Game of the Week: Dan vs ???
Obviously the game of the week is going to feature last year's champion, but this year he gets to face the mystery team in ???.  We still don't know who will sub for Sean this year (but we're getting closer), but one thing we can say for sure is that we don't know if the replacement will have a rock solid team or not really know what he's doing.  Either way, it's a fun wild card game to kick off the season.  Other storylines: the Bread Bowl (White Aaron versus Wheat Aaron) kicks off; Bryan making a foolish bet against Jose.

WEEK 2
Jose vs Danny
Ed vs ???
Bryan vs Arun
Baron vs Jeff
Tim vs Dan

Game of the Week: Ed vs ???
The top two running backs in football square off Week Two as Ed-led AP takes on Arian Foster.  We know Foster always starts the season strong, and AP is just a monster, so really, we should be expecting an absolute shootout in this game.  Plus, this is the first chance Ed gets a chance to write an ode about somebody new.  Does he bring his A game, or does he settle for the montonous repetition that is Taylor Swift?  "I knew you were trouble when you walked Ken.  So shame on me now I..."Other storylines: How does Jeff take on his old classmate in a newly-formed inter-divisional matchup?

WEEK 3
Bryan vs ???
Ed vs Jose
Danny vs Jeff
Baron vs Tim
Dan vs Arun

Game of the Week: Ed vs Jose
There's so many juicy subplots to choose from for this week alone.  Baron and Tim have a rich trade history together (not to mention being roommates).  Bryan will presumably know the mystery team player pretty well (be it either KC or one of the Tans), and Danny and Jeff just had lunch together, so who knows if the trash talking has already started (I like to think we'll never be privy to the conversation they had that day).  But the game of the week has to go to the league's biggest rivals.  If you take a look at the Smack Talk Wall, the trash talking has already begun, and considering we might be roommates by the time the game happens, this could be one heckuva matchup.

WEEK 4
??? vs Danny
Bryan vs Ed
Baron vs Jose
Arun vs Tim
Jeff vs Dan

Game of the Week: Arun vs Tim
Brown Town in Chi-Town?  You bet your windy city this is a thing.  Now that Tim and Katarya live blocks from each other, this matchup carries a whole new weight.  This will be the first of many new matchups (just wait for their next one), so hopefully the brings about some new bad blood.  That or the politest trash talking ever.  Other subplots: Bryan vs Ed in the most vocal matchup of the year; Baron making fun of Jose; and Jeff and Dan practically being neighbors themselves in a PST battle.

WEEK 5
Dan vs Danny
Baron vs ???
Bryan vs Tim
Arun vs Jose
Jeff vs Ed

Game of the Week: Dan vs Danny
While I originally chose this game for alliterative purposes, there's the obvious fact that this is a rematch of last year's championship.  Sure, we know Cam Newton is going to show up to play, but which QB will Dan bring to the table?  Remember, last year with some extra play money he managed to snag himself Aaron Rodgers.  I wonder if he'll have that big gun to go against Cammy Cams.  Other subplots: Ray Rice going against Arian Foster for Sean and ??? and Jose playing Katarya during the Vikings bye week (I think).

WEEK 6
Arun vs Jeff
Baron vs Dan
Ed vs Tim
Bryan vs Danny
Jose vs ???

Game of the Week: Baron vs Dan
Make it two weeks of primo matchups for Dan as he takes on his other playoff opponent from last year.  Baron thought he had the matchup won, but the playoffs are two weeks long for a reason.  So here's a chance for redemption.  We'll see how this all plays out, but I'm sure Baron won't be around to actually watch the matchup.  On the brightside, Baron's physically closer to Dan than anyone else in the league (that doesn't even count as a "brightside" remark).  Other subplots: Bryan taking on Danny, who was next in line to play him had he made the playoffs, and Jeff whipping his 84 jersey out just for Katarya.

WEEK 7
Ed vs Bryan
Danny vs ???
Jose vs Tim
Arun vs Dan
Jeff vs Baron

Game of the Week: Jeff vs Baron
Now's the time of season where we start getting into repeat matchups, so we don't know how each team will be this time of year.  This is also around the team where Baron starts making moves on the waiver wire that, to his credit, historically have been pretty shrewd.  I mean, did any of you pick up Kaepernick last year while he was on hitch?  This will also be roughly when contenders are coming into place and those on the fence start going into overdrive to make the playoffs.  I'm quite curious to see where Jeff's team stands (and obviously I'll be rooting for him in this game.  You know, to piss Baron off).  Other subplots: Jose probably promising Tim he'll be in Chicago for their game but not showing up; Ed and Bryan talking trash again.

WEEK 8
Jose vs Bryan
Ed vs ???
Arun vs Jeff
Danny vs Baron
Tim vs Dan

Game of the Week: Jose vs Bryan
This one was tough.  In terms of marquee, Danny taking on Baron is pretty high up there.  Playoff teams from last year, old schoolmates, good friends.  It's the whole kit and kaboodle.  But even though my teams have been historically bad to mediocre, the level of trash talk in the Jose vs Bryan series may not be rivaled.  While Ed gets his insults in musically and voluminously, Bryan really knows how stab right in there and turn the knife.  Couple that with the fact that he lost a bet last year to buy me an ice cream cake - and still hasn't paid - and we know the insults could be flying higher than a Donte Stallworth propelled hot air balloon.  Other storylines: Will Katarya be on the West Coast when he plays Jeff?  Will Ed have a good ode for the mystery team?

WEEK 9
??? vs Jeff
Tim vs Danny
Ed vs Arun
Bryan vs Baron
Dan vs Jose

Game of the Week: Tim vs Danny
At this point we just can't predict which teams will be running train on the league and which will be riding caboose.  But what we can predict are fun, if playful bets.  If Bryan vs Jose has the most venom, then Tim vs Danny is like watching two old ladies get into an argument over who is paying for the 5 am Senior's breakfast check at Perkins.  We get to see them throw down such rainbows as "Oh, if only Shonn Greene had run for 30 more yards!" "I know, then you would've won!" "I know!"  Explosive stuff.  But honestly, the best part about this matchup is probably the Cane's bet they're going to throw out.  The one that Tim will cash in in a year when he's again in Minneapolis.  Other subplots: Bryan taking on the team that nudged him out of the playoffs last year; Dan throwing all logic IN the window against Jose.  This will inevitably lead to confusion.

WEEK 10
Jose vs Ed
Bryan vs Danny
Arun vs ???
Baron vs Tim
Jeff vs Dan

Game of the Week: Arun vs ???
This Game of the Week is being predicted solely on the assumption that KC takes over Sean's team.  If not, then I'd lean towards Baron vs Tim.  But the reason I see it being Arun vs KC is the fact that all trash talking will dissolve into talks of operations and supply chain and factories and blah blah blah.  Arun: "Did you see that Marshawn Lynch touchdown run?! UNBELIEVABLE!" KC: Speaking of runs, tell me about the production runs for the company in Somewheretown that you're helping out."  "Sure thing buddy."  It's gonna be like that all. day.  Other subplots: Does Jeff actually visit Dan for their game this time because why not?; Jose and Ed locking horns once again; Baron and Tim finding a slap bet out of this matchup.

WEEK 11
Ed vs Dan
Tim vs Jeff
Baron vs Arun
Danny vs Jose
Bryan vs ???

Game of the Week: Ed vs Dan
This game holds a bit of interest because of the potential trash talk.  I know I keep harping on it at this point in the preview, but really, there isn't much more that's exciting that we know of in the season.  What we do know is these are the only two players in the league who will have done a league ode for coming in last place the last two seasons.  And we know that whatever Ed says, Dan has a retort for.  I can't see how this won't be fun.  I'm sure we'll hear some big ears and Seattle related jokes somewhere in there.  Other subplots: How does Bryan handle the mystery person this time around?; Do Tim and Jeff exchange dialogue?

WEEK 12
Ed vs Baron
Dan vs Bryan
Jeff vs Jose
Arun vs Danny
Tim vs ???

Game of the Week: Jeff vs Jose
Now's as good a time as any to explain my methodology for coming up with this schedule.  I created a rubric that made sure every team in a division was played twice and every team in the other division once.  I then chose the matchup I wanted to highlight in the first week, then threw each block of games in a hat and drew them out (so, for example, Week 2 was actually D in the hat and I happened to draw it for the second week of the season).  This week was supposed to be week 13. I mean, look at all the juicy matchups in there.  Dan takes on his brother equivalent in our group of friends.  Danny and Arun can go and visit each other for this weeks matchup.  You know Ed and Baron will talk trash (and Ed will bring a good ode when he does so).  But, in a purely selfish decision, I'm most looking forward to my matchup against Jeff.  We are the only two teams in the league not to have made the playoffs.  I'm hoping that we're both in at this point, but if not, it's fun to see if one will knock out the other.  Sure the trash talk will be light - which means I'm contradicting myself from before - but this could be our chance to play with fate and see who is supposed to be the first one in the playoffs amongst us.  Other subplots: I pretty much laid them out.  Really, Week 13 is what it is because of THAT game of the week...

WEEK 13
Jeff vs Bryan
Jose vs ???
Danny vs Ed
Tim vs Arun
Baron vs Dan

Game of the Week: Tim vs Arun
So I just hyped up a game that I already featured as a Game of the Week once before.  And yes, there's Danny vs Ed goodness, Baron vs Dan goodness and Jose getting knocked out of the playoff chase goodness.  But the thing that set this apart was that, in Week 13, the Vikings play the Bears.  So, in the last week of our season, it's Minnesota vs Chicago, with two super fans of each team playing each in fantasy football, in the same city.  If the fantasy gods are on our side this year, these two will be playing each other for the final playoff spot while they root for their favorite teams against each other.  Remember how I said I wanted to get this rivalry off the ground?  Well suck it Katarya and Tim, now you have no choice.  Other subplots: Baron and Dan rematching on the last day of the season, Danny and Ed finding ways to anger the other.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Expect to see another post in the coming days about the stats worksheet I've been putting together.  When finished, it will have some new stats that you'll (hopefully) be able to sort through on the blog in the stats section.  There will be some stuff on there that ESPN doesn't do in the stat department that may be more fun.  I'd say you'll see it either tomorrow or Friday.